


Sober

by meanstoflourish



Category: Amar a Muerte (TV)
Genre: Angst, F/F, Hurt/Comfort, Romance
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-03-10
Updated: 2019-11-14
Packaged: 2019-11-15 05:27:47
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 7,131
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18067454
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/meanstoflourish/pseuds/meanstoflourish
Summary: Alcohol is her go-to when everything's too much, but that night, it's not enough. After she's outed to her classmates and the avalanche of online hatred continues, Valentina decides to disconnect from it all and takes the last of the pills Lucho left behind -with terrible consequences.Jacobo thinks it's his fault for having been a bad father, Guille thinks it's his fault for moving out, even Eva thinks it's her fault for fighting with Valentina, and Juliana ... she can't think about anything except being beside the girl she loves.





	1. Valentina

**Author's Note:**

> Hi! This fic has been posted in its entirety in spanish in Wattpad (www.wattpad.com/story/176773787-sober-juliantina) but this is the english translation for all my english speaking Juliantinas. I love that this wonderful ship has overcome language differences and reached farther than hispanic wlw. 
> 
> I'm on twitter @meanstoflourish, and I asked around to know what english speakers would prefer regarding Juliantina fics. Since there are certain pet names like "chiquita" and other words that don't translate well into english, I will be using some spanish words in the fic. The translation will be in the notes at the beginning of the chapter so everyone knows what's going on. Everything else will be in english, including dialogue. 
> 
> All of that said, I hope you enjoy this fic! If it's well received I can work on translating my other ones.
> 
>  

 

_We might die from medication_

_but we sure killed all the pain._

_What was normal in the evening_

_by the morning seems insane._

_._

_._

_._

Valentina swore she couldn't have anything good in her life.

Juliana had once told her that she'd been born with luck, but this is the first time she believes that the other girl was wrong. Valentina didn't feel lucky. Her mom had died when she was still a little girl. They hadn't  had the chance to talk about anything important. She hadn't been there when she needed a mother the most.

Her mom hadn't been there when she graduated from elementary school, or the first and only time she won an equestrian contest. (She'd kept it up long enough to compete and win out of respect for her dad, but when her mom died, she took the joy out of riding with her.) Even the first time she got her period -she had to talk to Silvina. She was too embarrassed to tell her dad or Guille, and Eva had always been just this side of bitter, even as a teenager. And she loved Silvina -Chivis was like the grandma she never had- but at the end of the day she was an employee. She had her own daughters whom she cared for because she loved them, not because she was paid to do so, which was the case with Valentina.

And just a year later, on the verge of turning fifteen, she went to Canada. She was sent off to Canada, actually, for high school.

Her  _quinceañera_ gift was a trip to Europe with three of her friends from the private boarding school she attended in Vancouver. Her dad congratulated her through skype, just like her brother and sister. She never had a proper _quinceañera_ party, and Valentina would have been more excited about that than the trip, even if it was silly. She would've liked to have a huge, pompous pink dress that her mom helped her choose. She would've liked half a dozen _chambelanes_ , and for her family to wake her up with _mariachis_ at 5 in the morning. She would've liked someone, anyone, to sing her _Las Mañanitas_ , but none of her new friends spoke spanish. (In fact, she's pretty sure now that the only reason they didn't treat her any differently for her crappy english, was because she had the same blue eyes and pale skin they did.) She would've liked all of those things.

But instead she had found herself far away from Mexico, in a country five times as cold, with friends she had just begun to know. With no one to talk to, but all the money in the world at her disposal to do whatever she wanted-good or bad. Was that good luck?

She lost her virginity that year, and she would have liked to wait.

If Valentina had known that sex could be as beautiful as it had been with Juliana - and she wants to call it 'making love', not just sex - then she would have waited all the time in the world. She had been about to turn 16, half drunk to calm her nerves, and it had hurt like hell. She hadn't bled, though, and she'd been suddenly thankful she rode horses so much during her childhood and took care of _that_ herself, because she couldn't imagine it being worse.

The next morning, for the first time in years, she had fervently wished her mom were alive to give her advice.

She had ended up talking with her friends from boarding school about it, and she'd ended up thinking that it was normal. And that all those times afterwards when it felt just "okay", that she was the one with a problem, or maybe sex just wasn't that great. She had also felt alone then, even more than she felt disappointed by the whole concept. And of course, she never talked to those friends again after leaving Canada when high school was over, even though they spent 4 entire years together. _Some friends they were._

Valentina was starting to realize that maybe all the friends she'd ever had were shit.

When she returned to Mexico and her mom -thanks to alcohol, parties and new experiences- was just a painful memory, she thought things would get better. And they did, for a while. She finished high school. Took a sabbatical year that turned into 2. Made plans with her dad to travel, and never went. Traveled with her brother for a bit, and had fun. And then she entered college, just shy of turning 20. She was on nobody's clock but her own.

And college was great. She had friends, she had a boyfriend who was supposed to love her. Everything was in its place. She didn't have the best attendance record, but she was starting to like journalism, even if it had taken 3 years for that to happen. But they'd been good years. Her family was fine, she was fine, she had fun.

And then her dad died.

Thinking about him caused her nothing but anguish. _What would he say if he were here? Would he be like Eva or like Guille?_   Valentina tries to remember if he ever made a comment during breakfast about gay rights, but nothing comes to mind. And she miss him so much. She missed him when he was alive, but it's nothing compared to how she misses him now.

Before, even when he was abroad, or she was, she could call him. See his face for a minute on Skype before he apologized and told her he couldn't talk longer because he was too busy with work. Now she doesn't even have that.

Her sister rejected her, her brother moved out of the house -and her father is dead.

The only person she had right now was Juliana, and she didn't want to throw her problems at her.  Especially this new one, with her classmates. She had already made her angry at Casa del Valle because she was worried, because she was drinking. She didn't want to worry Juliana, with her mom and dad, she had enough on her plate. And she didn't want to call her, didn't want to tell her the reason why she had interrupted their skype call the night before. Especially when what was happening was just proof that she was right.

Valentina pressed F5, refreshing the Facebook page, and saw that someone else had uploaded another stupid meme with her face on it.

This time, she recognized the name of the guy who had posted it. A boy from her Public Opinion class, who had come over to her house for parties many times. She swallowed hard, feeling her cheeks get hot as she read how someone else offered to "fix her in one night". Other people from uni commented on the spot, the amount of laughing emojis downright grotesque.

Valentina slammed the laptop shut.

She thought that the people she hung out with cared about her, or at least that they liked her -for her, and not for her last name and her money- but apparently she'd made a mistake. She thought that her classmate were friends. But now that she looked at everything with different eyes, she realized that they were only good at drinking with her, and being high with her, and coming over to use her pool. She had even thought that they wouldn't be as close minded as her sister, but so far she hadn't read a single comment supporting her.

 

She remembered all the birthdays she had spent surrounded by people but feeling alone, and all the times she needed her mom. She thought about how much she missed her dad -how even though time passed the pain never got any better. _She was a fucking orphan at 23 years old._  She wasn't born lucky. In that moment, she felt the exact opposite.

Maybe Eva was right. Maybe she was going to end alone.

Her friends didn't care, they weren't going to support her. Guille had moved out to live God knows where, and she was going to see her brother much less now that he was going to avoid the family home. Eva was Eva. And Juliana ... at some point Juliana was going to get tired of her. They had a pact, yes, but how long did relationships last? They wouldn't be together forever, no matter how much Valentina wanted that. What was left?

She hugged herself, her fingers tingling with the need to grab a shot glass.

Jacobo had urged her to throw away the mezcal, but she knew there was tequila in the house. And rum. And enough wine to get an army drunk. Her dad had loved a good drink, and so did she. Still, she'd thrown away the mezcal. Remembering that moment near the pool hurt. Jacobo had kissed her forehead while she had her eyes closed, and it had felt just like her father's kisses. She needed him now more than ever, and he was dead. She didn't have his support, but she could lean on other things. 

Valentina was still sure of what she'd told Jacobo.

She didn't have to hide, and she wasn't going to do it. She had to be strong, and she was doing her best to be strong.

But she needed some help.

The anguish ate at her, to the point where she couldn't even think about going back to college in the next few days. She was afraid of Eva, and of what she could do. She'd gotten Guille's girlfriend fired, what could she do to Juliana? And above all...she felt lonely. She missed her parents. She hoped they were somewhere watching over her, and at the same time that they weren't-that they couldn't see the mess her life had become. Tears began to fall down her cheeks again, while the familiar sensation of losing control overtook her.

There was only one way she knew how to relax, to take the reins of that anxiety that didn't let her breathe, to subdue that desire to cry that threatened to burst her chest open.

Just remembering the rush of the drink, or the way a little pill could put her in a place where nothing could touch her, made Valentina almost salivate. She needed it. She knew there were some pills left on her nightstand-a last gift from Lucho-so she sneaked out of her room and grabbed a bottle of tequila to down them with. She didn't even know why she was sneaking around her own house ... well, she did know.

Her conversation with Jacobo was still fresh in her mind, and for some reason that could not be explained, she did not want to disappoint her driver.

But at the end of the day, he was only her driver, he didn't know her, he had no right to judge her.

She took the pills out of the night table, and downed one with a shot of tequila. The burning of the liquor in her throat was familiar and welcome, and she decided to drink it while the high came on. But that didn't happen, at least not fast enough for her liking. So she took another, as she had done before with Lucho. She knew she was going to be too energetic when the pills hit, so she locked her bedroom door, and put on some music.

The melancholic notes of a familiar song flooded the space, and she relaxed in her bed while listening to the singer sing about drinking on trains and getting high in restrooms. She'd like to to take a train and get away from here, get away from it all. Take Juliana and some suitcases and flee far away, where there were no Luchos and Evas, no El Chino and no _narcos_. Only the two of them.

At last the pills began to work, and as the chorus of the song came on, Valentina took the split second decision to take the 3 pills that were left in the tiny plastic bag. This was going to be the last time, not only because from tomorrow on she was going to start being strong by herself, but because Lucho hated her -he was definitely not going to get her anything else.

The thought made her laugh, and the laughter ran like electricity through her body. _This was what she needed._

She laid back on her bed, the bottle of liquor between her legs.

The song ended, and another one began. And another. And another one. Now Lana del Rey was singing about having monsters under the bed, and her voice was so delicate that Valentina's eyelids became heavy.

Without realizing it, she fell asleep.

She didn't hear when they knocked on her door. She didn't realize when they broke it to enter her room, after she didn't answer their knocks or her cell phone.

And she did not wake up when they tried to wake her up.

 

 


	2. Eva

Eva closed the call.

Dr. Rojas was a great psychologist. If there was anyone who could help Valentina through this...confusion, it was him. The man was busy, and she had to ask for a favor so that her sister could see him as soon as possible, but it was worth it. She just needed to get Vale to agree to see him, and this would be one less thing to worry about. She had enough on her plate.

Determined steps guided her to Valentina's room, and once there, she knocked on the door.

"Valentina, we need to talk." She waited, but her sister didn't answer. Eva sighed.

She didn't like to see her like this. She didn't like seeing any of her siblings in bad shape, but what Guillermo and Valentina didn't understand, was that everything Eva did she did for their own good, and for the good of the family. Now that their dad was gone, keeping _Grupo Carvajal_ afloat depended on her. She was the oldest, and the most sensible. And she had a hard enough time as it was, trying to get people to take her seriously, seeing as she wasn't León's son, but his daughter. Too many men still saw her as a bad replacement. And Lucía and Jhonny didn't help matters any. If she was a bad replacement, Lucía was downright shitty. 

She had enough to deal with with the woman, she didn't need to handle any more scandals. She'd thought Guille dating his godamn secretary would be the end of it, but suddenly Valentina had to start believing herself to be homosexual at this point in her life.

Eva had already dealt with her brother, and now her sister was the one in need of an intervention.

"Valentina! Open the door!" She waited, and nothing. "I'm not going to repeat it!"

She slammed her hand against the smooth wood of the door. By now, her sister would have usually opened, if only to tell her to leave. Eva assumed that Val had become even more stubborn over the years. Being infatuated with a girl was enough proof of that.

"What's going on?" A soft voice reached her ears, and she turned around to find Silvina looking at her, the employee's face twisted in a worried frown.

"The _princess_ won't open the door," Eva said the word loud and clear, so Valentina could hear her through the door.

Their father had pampered Vale too much. She was the youngest child, the apple of his eye. Everything Valentina wanted, she got, and doubled. An although it's true that her sister never became a brat thanks to such treatment, the truth is that she was too innocent. She could still behave like a little girl, even now, and that was something that no Carvajal could afford.

"But what happened?" Silvina asked again, and once more Eva cursed her dad's pechance for treating the help like they were part of the family. It made the old woman think she could ask questions, and meddle. 

"She's mad at me for something she and I know," Eva said simply. The last thing they needed was for the servants to gossip about her sister's sexuality. Silvina nodded, but instead of leaving, she got closer to the door.

" _Mi niña_ ," Silvina said softly, and Eva rolled her eyes. ' _My little girl_ ', it's what Silvina called Valentina. What she'd called her her entire life up until now, when she was freaking 23 years old and needed to take responsibility for herself. "Open the door, please." There was no response from Valentina. Silvina turned to Eva. "Are you sure she's in there?"

"She has her music on," Eva said. She could hear some hideous Bachata song creeping into the hallway from under the door. She hadn't thought about the possibility of Valentina sneaking out and leaving her music on so they'd think she was home. She should have. God knows she'd done it enough when she got back from Canada, sneaking out of her bedroom window, climbing down vines to the first floor, and escaping security to go party. But she was 18 back then, a teenager. That was such an adolescent move that Eva hope Val hadn't pulled it again, because then her sister needed more therapy than she first guessed. She couldn't possibly still be that immature. 

Deep down, Eva resented it. She'd never be allowed to be so careless, not even as a teenager. Not even as a child. Where Valentina had gotten her own pony to ride when she was 6, Eva had accompanied her dad to his office for the first time. Valentina would never understand that type of responsibility. 

"Did something happen?" a smooth, deep voice asked from behind them, and Eva clenched her teeth. She had enough with Silvina, and now Jacobo had to join the party.

"The princess of the house locked herself in her castle," Eva explained. "It's not important, Jacobo. In fact, what are you doing in here? Go to work." Eva always saw the driver doing everything but drive. What was he paid to do?

"Is Valentina okay?" Jacobo asked again, frowning.

"Nothing's happening. My sister is just throwing a tantrum-"

"Valentina doesn't throw tantrums," Jacobo interrupted her with a firm voice, and Eva took a step back. Who did he think he was? He acted as if he knew Valentina. Eva didn't have time to put the driver in his place, because he was already kneeling on the ground, peeking through the space between the carpet and the door.

"Good God, this is exactly what she wants-"

"There is a puddle on the floor," Jacobo announced as though that meant something. He got up and took the doorknob between his hands, shaking it with such force that the door bounced against the frame and the hinges shook. "Valentina? Valentina!"

"Are you going to break the door now?" Eva asked, alarmed.

"She wouldn't have a puddle in the middle of her bedroom, her clothes are always laying around on the floor," Jacobo said, making Eva frown. How the hell did he know so much about her sister? "She would have asked someone to come clean it up," the driver said a second before he lunged at the wood. His shoulder hit it _hard_ , and the sound made Eva jump.

It made the cold, slimy tendrils of fear start to wrap around her chest. What if Valentina had done something stupid?

Jacobo slammed his body against the door again, and Eva found herself with her heart in her throat, waiting with baited breath to see what they'd find on the other side. Everything was happening too fast, and she found herself wishing Valentina had left her music on and left, because she didn't know what she'd do if she found her baby sister hurt. Jacobo ran against the door one last time, and then it gave way and opened with a roar, splinters flying from where the lock used to be.

They entered Valentina's room, only to find her in her bed.

She was asleep.

But too quiet, too pale.

Valentina had always been all nervous excitement, light sleep and loud laughter, the only one who kept up with their mom on a horse as a little kid, the only one who went to every gymnastics lesson and ballet class with a smile on her face. She was boundless energy. Eva had never seen her so still.

Jacobo ran to her, placing his hands on her face and patting her on the cheek. Eva felt as though someone had fitted her with concrete shoes. She couldn't move.

"Valentina. Valentina," Jacobo repeated. "I can't feel her pulse."

Silvina broke down sobbing as she started to pray.

Eva stopped breathing.

She didn't believe in God. She didn't believe in anyone, but herself, and she couldn't fix this. For a moment, everything stopped mattering, the company, the money, what people would say about her family. All she could see was a future where she had lost her little sister, where she would never see her dance again while they were having breakfast or hear her laughter around the house.

"She's breathing!" Jacobo announce desperately. Eva was surprised to see he had tears on his cheeks. "Her pulse is weak."

"I'm- I'm calling an ambulance," Eva said, reacting at last.

Breathing again. 


	3. Jacobo

León remembers the first time he held Valentina.

She'd been a premature baby, his wife had gone into labor at 8 months and 6 days of pregnancy. León had been divided between the hospital waiting room and the maternity wing all night. Guille was...he wasn't even 6 years old yet, and Eva couldn't calm him down. Silvina had come with them to the hospital, because neither of his other children had wanted to stay at home. Everyone was worried about his wife, but he was even more worried about the baby. He knew his wife was a fighter, that she was strong, and she could handle this. But the baby...León couldn't help but imagine the worst.

That she'd be lacking oxygen in there, that she would suffocate before getting to take her first breath. That she'd be born ill. That she would be sick with something that not even all the money in the world could fix. She was 3 weeks early, almost a whole month of gestation basically. 

And still, Valentina Carvajal was born screaming at the top of her lungs.

His little girl didn't even need to be inside an incubator more than a few hours. The only indication that she was born before she was supposed to was her size.

His second daughter was a small baby. Tiny. Those first few days, her body basically fit in his hands. He'd loved to hold her like that, thin little arms and legs flailing about as she screamed her displeasure to the world. Leon didn't want to put her down.

The Pregnancy hadn't been so easy, and the fact that she was born premature was almost a confirmation of what his wife and him had already discussed. She'd be the last one. They had a boy and a girl already, they weren't particularly searching for anything apart from expanding their family. And they had. With 3 children they had enough.

That made him love her even more.

Valentina was the light of his eyes. Her first word was "dada". The first time she walked, she went to him.

Leon could hardly breathe as he descended the stairs, Valentina in his arms. This new body he was stuck him, this 'Jacobo' person he had created, was much younger than him, and for the first time he was thankful this had all happened. He isn't sure if his old body would have been able to carry his daughter through the long hallways of the mansion he called a home. She was almost as tall as him now that he occupied this body. When had she gotten so tall? One minute she was chasing after her older brother, wearing a pink tutu and butterfly wings, and the next she was asking for permission to join a modeling agency.

She was 14. He'd brought up the option of going to high school abroad instead. Boarding school in Canada seemed better for a girl than becoming a model and getting involved in God knows what. León holds Valentina tigher to his chest as he descends the stairs into the living room. Maybe he'd made a mistake. She'd clearly gotten involved in those things anyways. Maybe he should have kept her near him, kept a closer look on her friends. He'd fucked up somewhere along the way as a father, leading him to holding the cold, pale body of his younguest child, his little girl. 

He'd held her as a premature baby, seen her grow for 23 years until she became the woman she was today. He couldn't believe this could be the last time he carried her in his arms.

"Valentina, please," he pleaded as he deposited her on the sofa.

"The ambulance is on its way," Eva announced. "I'm calling Guille." Leon listened to everything as if he were under water. He stroked Valentina's cheek. Her lips were blue.

" _Mi niña_ , what did you take?" León clenched his hands into fists. Had she always drunk like this? Had she used drugs right under his nose when he was too busy at work? He had no idea. Valentina had always been perfect. None of this fit with the girl he knew. She'd always been so...cheerful. He used to call her his little sun, and Eva his little rain cloud.

He didn't understand, when Chivis told him what everyone in the house said about Valentina. She liked to party, she liked to drink -like her dad. That wasn't the Vale he knew, and he'd been quick to blame his "death" for her actions. The Valentina he knew was kind, always ready to help others, always loving. She'd welcomed Lucía in the family with open arms. She was happy -or so he thought.

She was the living image of her deceased mother, and León began to wonder if, like his late wife, Valentina was also able to put on a smile even when she was suffering inside.

"They're five minutes away," Eva announced. "She hasn't woken up?"

Eva pushed him aside to kneel beside Valentina, and Leon let himself be moved. He was Jacobo right now, their driver. They didn't know who he truly was. He had no right to be here, not in this body. But he didn't care anymore.

If his daughter was in danger, no one would separate him from her.


	4. Guille

"Tlacoyo, please."

The cat growled at him—Guille didn't even know that cats could growl—and then showed him his teeth before running off, his sock held between his sharp little fangs. Guille sighed. Living with Renata was going to be more difficult than he thought, solely because of that animal.  
  
He'd begun to dig through his suitcase, looking for another sock, when the shrill sound of his cell phone distracted him from the task at hand.

He noticed the caller ID, and seeing that it was his _beloved_ older sister, decided not to answer.

Eva was the whole reason he was here now, living with a cat that hated him. His sister thought she could manhandle everyone into obeying her, the same way she'd forced him and Val to be her "students" when they were little kids and she wanted to play-pretend she was a teacher. Valentina was a toddler and could escape, but he was forced to listen to her. He refuses to let that carry over into adulthood.

Texts began to invade his phone, however, and seeing that they were also Eva's, he became slightly worried.  
  
His sister never texted him. Guille wasn't even sure if she had the WhatsApp application on her cell phone.   
  
He sighed and grabbed his phone, ready to read about how he was such an embarrasment to their family name, or a disgrace, or how he insulted their father's memory. He didn't expect Eva apologizing, so he banished that thought from his head. And he certainly didn't expect the actual message he read, that made his blood run cold. 

_**Answer its about Vale** _

His heart accelerated as he read the words. The only thing he could think about while unlocking the phone to call Eva was that his sister never wrote like that. Eva was all perfect grammar, perfect wording. She prioritized calling or talking in person over texting.   
  
For a moment he thought it could be about Valentina and her relationship with Juliana, and he wished Eva would answer faster, just to tell her how much he supported his little sister, how happy he was for her.

But he didn't have the opportunity, because Eva answered the phone crying.

"Eva? What-"

"They took Valentina."

"What?! Who?"

"The ambulance already took her, they intubated her, we're on the way to the hospital."

"Eva, what's going on?" He rummaged through his pockets for his keys, and put on his shoes, one with a sock and one without. It didn't matter anymore.

"She took something, I don't know. She...she wasn't responding. Jacobo broke the door. Guille, it looked like she was dead." Eva's voice broke, and Guille swallowed hard. He had never heard his sister sound like that.

"Where are you going, to Medica Sur?" He asked, mentioning the Hospital his family used to attend. It was the best in Mexico, Valentina would be in good hands.

"Yes. Yes, here we are. Talk to you later!"

The call was cut, but not before he could hear the sirens of the ambulance in the background.

Guille got into the first taxi he found with his heart in his throat. He could hardly breathe. He cursed the fact that Renata lived in this neighborhood. It used to bother him a bit because it seemed dangerous, and it was far from everything, but now he hated it because there was an incredible distance between him and his little sister.

Valentina, _Valentina._ The girl who had stuck a piece of gum in his hair when she was 8 years old, causing him to go to his first day of high school with his head shaved. He was the laughing stock of his classroom for a good two months, but he didn't care because he adored his little sister.

He ran his hand over his face, and punched the seat. The car was barely moving.

"Are you going to see someone at the hospital?" The taxi driver asked.

"My sister. They just took her there."He almost couldn't finish the sentence as tears clogged his throat, closing the air passage.

"I'm going to try to go faster, wait a minute."

Guille nodded, looking out of the window as the buildings passed by. His cell phone vibrated.

          _**Th** ** _ey_ already admitted her**_

        _ **She'** **s with the doctors now**_

 

Guille breathed a little better, trying to calm down. The doctors were going to take care of her, everything was going to be fine; he had to believe it. He tightened his hold on his cell phone. _Renata!_ He should call Renata, let her know where he was. But before doing so, he remembered someone else.

_Juliana._

The friend-well, the girlfriend, or whatever she was, of Valentina. The girl who had put that smile on her sister's face. Valentina would want her to be there, he was sure of that. His sister deserved to have the girl she had fallen in love with when she woke up, and he was sure Vale was going to wake up.

But Guille didn't have her number. He didn't even know where Valentina's cell phone was, and he doubted they could get in, she certainly had it blocked. He decided to call Alirio. The driver answered immediately.

"Good afternoon sir, what can I do for you?"

"Alirio, do you remember Valentina's friend? Juliana?"

"Yes, sir. And if I may ask, how is Valentina? I just found out that they took her to the hospital."

"We still don't know anything, but I need you to go find her friend and take her to Medica Sur, okay? Do you remember the address?"

"Yes, young Juliana is staying at Silvina and Tiberio's home, in Xochimilco," Alirio informed him. Guille cursed under his breath. Minimum 2 hours of travel to get her and bring her to the city. But it would have to do. 

"Búscala, go. When you get to the hospital, you call me."

"Yes, sir."

Guille closed the call, and then rushed to call Renata.

He had made sure that the person Valentina loved would be there for her, and now he needed the same thing.

The taxi continued on its way to the hospital.


	5. Valentina

The world feels heavy when she wakes up.

That's how she can define it,  as she fights through the layers of sleep to wake up. Everything feels...heavy. Her limbs feel as if they weigh 100 pounds each. It feels like that time that Nayeli took her to the gym to do crossfit, and she ended up deciding that being naturally thin and swimming and running would have to be enough to keep her body in good shape, because she wasn't a person who could exercise so much. Valentina couldn't even walk the next day that time. She isn't sure she can walk now.

What she can do is listen, and as she struggles to become aware of her surroundings, she hears voices. Voices that she quickly recognizes as her brother and sister. Arguing, as always.

"She's in crisis, and none of us noticed."

"She had an accident. Or maybe she is in crisis, I don't know, but I know that liking a girl is not part of that."

Valentina tries to speak, but her tongue feels like cotton inside her mouth.

"What are you doing?" she hear Eva ask.

"I'm calling Lucia to let her know what's going on," Guille replies. "Why would you call that woman? She isn't part of this family, she-"

"It's Vale's stepmother, legally, in case you forgot. She's dad's widow," Guille tells her. "And Lucia lives with Valentina and cares about her. That's more than I can say about you."

"How _dare_ you?"

"Vale is our little sister and you're making her feel miserable because she fell in love with a girl. Just like you made my life hell for being with Renata. Have you noticed that the problem here is _you_?" Guille reproaches. Eva snorts. Valentina would recognize that sound even in a coma. "Lucia? They already told you. She's fine, they already stabilized her. No, they didn't wash her stomach, they gave her coal."

"Activated charcoal," Eva corrects.

"Activated charcoal. She hasn't woken up yet but she'll be fine. It's room 317. It's fine. I'll let you know if something happens."

Valentina frowns, or she thinks she does, since she can't even feel her face. She understands that she's in the hospital, but she has trouble remembering what happened to make her end up here. She tries to speak, and finally achieves something when a noise comes from her lips.

"Valentina?" She feels a warm hand on her forehead, and little by little begins to inhabit her body again. It didn't hurt, but it felt strange, almost unreal. "Hey, you're fine. Everything is fine," Guille whispers.

He reminds Valentina of how he had treated her when Mom had died.

Their dad had been shattered, and Eva had taken control and taken care of everything. The two of them had been the left overs in the equation. Too young to help with anything but old enough to understand everything. Guille was 14, and he stopped hanging out with his friends to take care of her, who felt more than lost. The little motherless 9 year old who wandered the halls of a house too big, too cold. She still remembers how she fell asleep crying for weeks after Mom's funeral, and how Guille was always there by the head of her bed like he was now.

Valentina opens her eyes, squinting against the light. She's definitely in a hospital room. In fact, she recognizes the immense and well-lit room as one of the same hospitals she visited so much when she was little, before her mother died.

"What happened?" She asks with difficulty.

"You had an overdose, that's what happened." Eva replies. "Are you taking pills now? And mixing them with alcohol, too. I thought you were smarter than this."

Everything comes back to her. How sad she felt, how alone, how she just needed a drink. And then Lucho's pills. How it was supposed to be the last time.

"We're happy that you're okay," Guille says. But his words do nothing to stop Eva's attack.

"Did you do it on purpose?" Eva asks, serious. "Were you trying to kill yourself?"

"What? No!"

Valentina doesn't want to die. She had felt like dying before, when she was a child and her mother had just died. After having buried her dad, when she had felt nothing but a black hole where her heart was supposed to be. She had never thought about it too much because she had her siblings and didn't want to disappoint her late parents. It wasn't an option. She would never have tried to kill herself.

But there were moments here and there, before she met Juliana and after her father died, where she drank and took pills until she passed out, and honestly, she wouldn't have cared if it killed her.

But that was before.

And although her life is a real shit now, she has Juliana. She is in love with her, and that feeling is so pure and so real that sometimes her chest hurts with trying to contain it. And she has Guille, Lucia, Silvina, Camilo, Jacobo. Eva, too, even though she's being an idiot. Perhaps her friends will reconsider and return to her, but even if they don't, it doesn't matter.

Her dad was gone, but life was still worth it.

She actually had never felt that life was as worthwhile as it is now. She has never been in love like that, and Valentina realizes in a fraction of a second that she was close to losing everything.

They pass like flashes in front of her eyes, all the things she wouldn't have lived.

She would never have made love to Juliana again, she would never have worked as a journalist or seen Juls become a famous designer, she would not have met her nieces or nephews, nor could she have made friends with Guille's girlfriend, Renata. She and Juliana would never have married or had children.

And Valentina realizes at that moment that that is something she wants. She wants a life with the girl of the dark eyes and beautiful smiles, the first woman...the first person she fell in love with. The first and the last.

"Are you sure about that?" Eva asks.

"She said it wasn't on purpose," Guille backs her up.

"I don't want to die," Valentina replies. "I would never do that. Not now."

"Not now?" Eva snorts. "Well that certainly makes me feel better. You're not well, Valentina. You need help," Eva says, in that tone of voice she uses when she's already made a decision, regardless of what others think. "I called a friend of mine, there's a treatment center in Arizona, great quality and very discreet. We can take a flight as soon as you feel better. They'll help you get clean, put yourself together."

 _Arizona_? Valentina's stomach collapses. She suddenly feels nauseous, and tries to get up but an acute pain in her hand makes her realize that she has an IV. She hates needles. She has always hated them. The last time she had a needle inside was for Juliana, to donate blood for her mother. She'd endured it without question, because whatever they were, she cared about Juliana too much. She loves her.

Her heart quickens as she thinks about Eva's words. She can't leave.

"Guille, what is she talking about?" She asks, feeling useless in her bedridden position.

"Don't listen to her, okay? We never do."

"You can't send me...you can't send me away." She grabs the railing of the bed, and finally manages to sit up, although the world starts spinning. She feels weak and she hates feeling weak.

"Valentina, lie down. We can talk about this later," Eva says.

"No," she insists, even dizzier than before.

"Val, you look as white as paper," Eva insists. "Lie down, now."

"You can't...You can't send me wherever you want, Evangelina!"

A beep rang through the room, and Valentina realized that it was coming from one of the machines connected to her.

"Valentina..."

"You can't handle my life as you see fit. This was an accident, okay? I'm not a drug addict, I don't need..."

"Take it easy, Val," Guille begs.

"How do you want me to calm down if..." Everything spun around her, and she fell backwards, landing on the bed once once more.

"We'll talk later," Guille says. "Nothing's gonna happen."

But she can't stop breathing harder, faster. She feels as though she can't get enough air into his lungs. Valentina hardly notices when a nurse enters the room.

"Excuse me, the patient can't be upset," she says, and Valentina squeezed the sheet between her fingers.

"I'm not upset!" she says with difficulty.

"Her heart was put through a lot of effort today. Miss.Carvajal, we require your permission to sedate her."

"Do it," her sister says. Valentina shakes her head desperately. "I'm sorry, okay? It's for your own good."

"No, don't! Don't! I don't want to sleep. Guille, please."

She stretches her neck to the right, just in time to see the nurse inject something into the IV connected to her arm. Valentina wishes she had the guts to tear it away, but even if she did, she doesn't know if she would have the strength. The world becomes heavy again, quickly. The sedative drags Valentina with it to the depths of an abyss, that place without conscience where she had been swimming not long ago.

But unlike that moment in her room, when she fell asleep by accident as a result of her shitty decisions, now she's aware of what's happening, and struggles with all her might against the medicine.

She's afraid of never waking up again.

But still, her eyes close. And her last thought before falling under the weight of the sedative is about Juliana.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry about disappearing! I had limited time and concentrated on fics that got more of a response, but recently someone left a comment on this one so I thought I should update as well. Let me know what you thought!


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